day 13

back in cozumel today. this time it's not raining... yet.
i'm pretty well settled in now. we've had very calm waters since day 2 and i hardly notice when we're moving anymore. i sometimes concentrate on trying to feel the boat rock. during the first week the swaying of the boat felt like being buzzed on alcohol. a nice, happy, relaxed, gently swaying feeling - at least, that's what it's like for ME when i'm buzzed. i don't feel it so much anymore, but i do sometimes when i lie down to sleep. it's like being cradled. i like it.

as a crew member, i have an interior cabin. when we turn the lights out, it's pitch black. daytime naps are quite easy. my roommate and i take a lot of naps. i think it's sweet when we both nap at the same time.

i've had an emotional week. this cruise is, like the title of the blog suggests, intended for introspection. i'm still sorting out my personal life and part of that is about discovering more about myself. if there is one thing on board, it is a lot of time, so my mind has been quite busy.

thank goodness i've made a friend, chris, the bass player in the showband, who engages me in stimulating conversation. not only do we have very satisfying discussions, but it also keeps me sane. keeps me from falling into a deep pit of thought.
which is something i've been warned of. he admits that he tends to get as he says "dark" and that seems pretty common for others who have been here a number of years. there actually tends to be a lot of frustration. and it's reasonable enough - this is a very small community and rather confined.
chris frequently tells me that i'm one of the few people who can hold substantial conversation. that mostly around here it's superficial and weak.

i'm trying to make sure that i filter out some of the advice i get from the old hands - i recognize that some of it comes from a jaded place, though they all have the best intentions, but it's like foreshadowing in a book - it's pretty gloomy to know in the beginning that a book has an unhappy ending, so you end up pulling harder for the protagonist. in my case, i hear what they're saying, but remind myself that i have a whole journey before i may or may not find the same results.
it just gets to be an record on repeat, in a way.

also, everyone is very careful on board because, as i've heard numerous people term it - it's like "high school". everyone get in each other's business. everyone is watching everyone else. they take note of who you hang out with a lot, who you are chatty with, everything. and chris, the very private person he is, tries to protect himself a bit by not hanging out with me consistently. it's weird.
well, and some of that is just chris being paranoid.

and yeah, my posse does tend to be all males. chris asked me last night what it feels like to be the "most eligible bachelorette on the boat". hah
he says they're all fawning over me, but i think that's a little simplistic and not entirely true. not entirely, untrue either ;)

so, i'm finding a niche here and trying to keep the sociology of it all balanced.

lots of fun. hardly feels like work. and really, i'll be working only about 30 hours a week, though some weeks are 7 days.

this week i volunteered to participate in the new safety video for the guests. it will run on all of the ships for a few years. i know, really, people should be getting paid for this, but they are able to get volunteers who are trying to stave off boredom. so it ended up being fun - almost all of us were from the entertainment department. my supervisor, mike, thinks i'm crazy for doing this in my second week.

hey, i got to do the waterslide onboard. okay really, i could do this anytime, but it was good encouragement to go and do.

mike was also pretty impressed yesterday that i passed my pyrotechnics exam on the first try. he said he head of the department failed it the first time.

love and sea breeze,
jamie