chapter 2

day 92

today is embarkation day, which means new team members sign on and old ones sign off. a lot of people were planning on this. many friends signed off today.
one of them found out at 4am that he was fired (and immigration was at 5:45am today).

there are a lot of changes going on around me.
a few good friends left today.
i have a new supervisor.
we have a new cruise director, so the variety shows are going to change a bit.
the new cast is still in rehearsal and will open their 2nd show on thursday.

i think my woes last week originated from hormones. i guess i got a bad batch last week. (can i get a refund?)

my pal chris signed off today. he's been counting down the days with eager anticipation.
i realized last night that i've been absorbing this energy of leaving and change and getting mixed up in it. i felt my body relax as i walked away from saying goodbyes at the bar last night. i had been feeling the stress of changes and moving as if i was also about to sign off.
my mindset all along has been to be open minded to the revolving door that are our contracts. in the time i have been here not many of my friends have signed off. so, i've been looking forward to the experience and the change. only for a moment last night did i dread it. i suddenly realized that the comfortableness of the routine i was in with this set of people was about to be broken.
it dawned on me this morning, as i walked solo across the bridge from the port of miami to downtown, that i lost track of where i originally was on my personal journey. not to say that i have been sidetracked and haven't learned anything, just not what i was originally intending to work on.
i have been wanting independence and possibly routine. my routine turned into always making time for whomever asked for it.
granted, i have been busier with work. but i haven't been reading so much anymore, or going to the gym much (mainly work and illness impede this), or lying in the sun, orr eating only when hungry, or sleeping whenever i want, or knitting, or studying language much.
when written out like this, they sound like simple and strange goals, but damn it, i'm on vacation! wait...
those are just the expectations i had coming into this. i anticipated being much more isolated than i actually am. i can't list all of the good side effects from the experience i am having. the point is that i just remembered i want to return to those other points of interest.

love and growth,
jamie